Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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