Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
