fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
