i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
