every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
