You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
