I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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