we're blogging at a bar
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
