You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
