i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
