If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize