I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
