Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
