dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
