Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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