The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
whose ass print is on the piano?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
