I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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