no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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