tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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