I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
