remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
