Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
