you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Everyone says I win the strip club
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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