His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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