8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
