and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
