Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize