You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
