I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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