Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
