Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
as a side note pls kill me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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