Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
