My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
