i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
4 words: hood of his car
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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