I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
