I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
