Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
false alarm. still invincible.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
