watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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