I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
