My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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