I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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