my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
