last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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