dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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