her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize