she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
