The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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