3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
