today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
