That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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