Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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