dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
