I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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