dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
