I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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