It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
