My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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