i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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