Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
