In the future we'll all be gay
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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