in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
