Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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