puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
