Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
