DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
