He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize