..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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