its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
