Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize