i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think pants incapable of making pants work
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
